Stressed-Out Parents: A Growing Public Health Concern

Today’s parents are under a lot of stress, much more so than previous generations. The alarming trend prompted U.S. surgeon general Vivek H. Murthy, MD, to issue a health advisory about parental stress and mental health. The advisory aims to bring attention to this widespread issue and help find solutions to ease the burden for parents – from national public policies to simple changes that can be made at the community and family level.

Why Are Parents Under So Much Stress?

Over the past decade, parents have been consistently more likely to report high levels of stress in their day-to-day life, compared to other adults who are not parents. Many of the hardships of parenting remain universal: Is my child happy, healthy and safe? Do we have enough money for this month’s expenses?

But the last several decades have presented a host of new stressors that previous generations did not struggle with, says University Hospitals psychologist Erika Kelley, PhD. This includes the pervasiveness of screens, the rise of social media, and a mental health crisis affecting children and teens.

Some of the biggest sources of stress for parents today include managing the balance of work and home life. There are more households with two working parents than ever before, along with more single parent households, yet societal structures are not set up to accommodate this demographic shift. For instance, schools let out at 3 p.m., while many parents work until 5 or 6 p.m.

“When it comes to managing the balance between work, childcare and division of household labor, there is a strain in that effort alone,” says Dr. Kelley. “It requires continuous communication between partners, which can be difficult when life is so busy.”

Other sources of stress include:

Lack of a “village”. We’re biologically wired to depend on an extended network of family, friends and neighbors for help with childcare duties. But modern society doesn’t always provide this support system, says Dr. Kelley. Grandparents may have health issues that prevent them from caring for their grandchildren, or they may still be working themselves, while younger family members have their own careers and families. Many parents must rely on daycare instead, the rising cost of which puts a further strain on families.

Social media and influencer culture. At its best, social media can be a tool to provide community and connection. However, it also sets parents up for comparisons that are unhelpful, says Dr. Kelley. Seeing the filtered life of parenting “influencers” can give unrealistic expectations and can make even the best parents feel like they’re not doing enough.

Fear over the state of the world. How do you raise a child in a world that can be scary? Many parents cite global social factors as big sources of stress, including economic uncertainty, an increase in gun violence and environmental concerns, as well as raising their kids in a time when the internet and social media have such a big impact on today’s youth.

The Effect on Kids

The stress felt by parents can spill over to their children as well, especially if there is a genetic predisposition to mental health issues such as anxiety or depression. Parents struggling to regulate their emotions may not be able to adequately model healthy coping strategies for their children. If parents do not have the time to help children with their schoolwork or meet other needs, children may suffer from the lack of quality time and support. Conversely, parents who tend to “helicopter” over their kids may inadvertently project their own worries and anxieties, leading to anxious children.

Easing the Burden for Parents

While there are some factors that are out of your control, there are ways to ease the burden on yourself and your loved ones, Dr. Kelley says. These include:

• Validating the struggles of parenthood. It’s important to hear others acknowledge how hard parenting is. Without this validation, you may think you are alone or doing something wrong. But you’re not. Other families are having the same problems, so it’s important to normalize it and talk about it with each other.
• Help out the parents in your life. Don’t wait to be asked – just jump in and offer to lend a hand if you can. Think of something specific you can do instead of a general offer of help. Something as simple as dropping off a meal or watching the kids for an hour or two so mom and dad can have a little time to themselves can make a world of difference for a busy parent.
• Compliment yourself and others Dr. Kelley recommends the practice of naming three things that you are proud of accomplishing every day, especially if it has to do with parenting. This can help you focus on the positive and remind yourself how well you’re doing. And compliment other parents in your life as well. This can create a positive feedback loop that helps lift everyone up.
• Be mindful of social media. Don’t get stuck in comparisons with influencers or your friends on social media. Understand that these are often not completely truthful representations of parenting and adjust your expectations accordingly.
• Give yourself grace. No parent is perfect. You’re not going to win every battle, and you’re not going to parent perfectly every time – and that’s ok. Give yourself room to make mistakes and learn from them.

Related Links

University Hospitals has a wide network of primary care physicians and behavioral health professionals who can help parents and others dealing with chronic stress and mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety.