How to Deal With Toxic Behavior

In today’s world, the word “toxic” gets thrown around quite a bit. It’s not uncommon to hear complaints about toxic people, toxic relationships, toxic bosses and toxic workplaces. But what does “toxic” mean exactly? And what can you do to minimize the effects of toxic behavior on your life?

What Does It Mean to Be Toxic?

“When used to describe people and relationships, the word ‘toxic’ doesn’t have a specific, agreed-upon, scientific definition,” says Patrick Runnels, MD, MBA, a psychiatrist and Associate Chief Medical Officer of Population Health for University Hospitals. “But while the term is subjective, many people use it to describe individuals or situations that regularly have a negative effect on their emotional state.”

Psychological Safety

Feeling stress and negative emotions such as anger, guilt and anxiety is an unavoidable and normal part of life. Labeling any person or situation that causes negative emotions as toxic is a misuse of the word.

Dr. Runnels says that a person or situation can be considered toxic when it affects your sense of psychological safety. This means you fear judgement, shaming or punishment for making mistakes or for expressing your own ideas, questions or concerns.

“When a person’s problematic behavior has to be dealt with frequently enough that it threatens or weakens your psychological safety, then it can be called toxic,” says Dr. Runnels.

Emotional Closeness and Time

Dr. Runnels says that your emotional closeness with a toxic person and how much time you spend with them are important factors in understanding the impact their behavior will have on you. For example, a distant uncle who makes you feel bad is far less of a concern than a spouse who makes you feel bad.

Traits of a Toxic Person

Sometimes it can be hard to identify a toxic person, but common signs or traits include:

• Self-centeredness
• Manipulation and other emotional abuse
• Dishonesty
• Lack of compassion
• Tendency to create conflict or drama
• Overly judgmental
• Blameless even when at fault
• Neediness

Tips to Deal With Toxic People in Your Life

You may not be able to change a toxic person’s behavior. Once you’ve recognized that a person or situation in your life is toxic, dealing with it is largely a matter of focusing on things you can control and protecting your psychological safety. Some strategies that can help are:

• Set boundaries: Clearly define personal boundaries to protect your mental and emotional well-being. Tell the toxic person what behaviors you will not tolerate in your relationship or interactions with them.
• Stay calm and detached: Avoid getting emotionally involved in the person’s toxic behavior. Maintaining calmness can prevent escalating friction/tension and help you stay in control.
• Concentrate on solutions: When possible, steer conversations toward positive and constructive topics and away from drama and conflict. Suggest problem-solving rather than dwelling on differences.
• Talk to them: Sometimes a person who engages in toxic behavior might not be aware of it. Try explaining your perspective to them and how they make you feel. Ask them about their perspective and how they feel towards you.
• Limit interactions: If possible, you may benefit from spending less time with a toxic person. This could mean spending less time in their physical presence or limiting communication with them. In some situations, cutting ties completely might be the best option, particularly when the toxic person is unwilling to change their behavior and continues to harm you emotionally.
• Practice self-care: Prioritize your own well-being by engaging in exercise, hobbies. relaxation techniques and other activities that relieve stress and improve mood.
• Seek support: Speak with trusted friends, family members or a therapist about your experiences. An outside perspective will often provide emotional support and practical advice to manage the situation.

Related Links

University Hospitals has a wide network of primary care physicians and behavioral health professionals who can diagnose and treat all types of depression, anxiety and mental health disorders.