Why Mental Health Matters for Men

June 28, 2024

Mental health conditions like anxiety and depression are common in both men and women. However, while women are twice as likely to experience depression, men are three times more likely to commit suicide. In fact, suicide is a leading cause of death for men.

R. Brian Denton, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at University Hospitals, explains why men may be at increased risk of self-harm.

What Is Mental Health?

“When we think about physical fitness, we know it refers to physiological functioning, including muscle strength, flexibility and endurance, cardiovascular health and respiratory wellness,” says Dr. Denton. “Mental fitness is harder to define.”

I encourage people to think about mental health as being more than an absence of distressing symptoms,” says Dr. Denton. “Instead, it encompasses a wide variety of components including how we engage in life, our sense of purpose and recognition of what gives our life meaning. It also requires psychological flexibility, meaning we stay present with what is going on in our lives, focusing what is in front of us versus what is behind us in the past.”

“Without psychological flexibility, we may tend to fixate on problems. This can lead to mental health symptoms like depression or anxiety, which are often overlooked in men. They’re often expected to be strong, problem-solving machines – the ‘rock’ of the family. And rocks, by definition, are unmoving and inflexible.”

Redefining Masculinity

Even in today’s modern society, assumptions about how men are supposed to act can create stress. Many men strive to live up to cultural expectations that do not reflect their actual feelings and life goals. Some of these assumptions include:

Men are less emotional than women. Boys are taught from an early age (directly and indirectly) that “real men” don’t cry and negative terms like crybaby are often taken as truth. In fact, crying is a natural and healthy way to express pain, fear, grief and even joy. Suppressing any of these emotions can lead to internal conflict, stress and even physical symptoms.
Men want sex more than women. Like women, a man’s libido fluctuates and may often be lower than their partner’s. But for men, there’s a feeling of failure associated with that natural state. Their partner may feel it too, assuming there must be something wrong with their relationship. These beliefs can make sex a source of stress for both men and women.
Men are less nurturing as parents. Gender role expectations often discourage men from actively participating in child-rearing, taking on a secondary role. “Just look at past movies and TV shows where the men are depicted as bumbling, clueless parents, or so focused on work that they are not emotionally present,” says Dr. Denton. Studies show that men who actively participate in the daily activities of parenthood have better quality relationships.
Men can’t be abused. Men can be abused physically, emotionally and sexually. The message that men can’t be abused can worsen feelings of shame, guilt, isolation and loneliness. Men who have experienced any type of abuse must be given a voice to express their feelings to avoid mental health consequences.

Watch Out for “Shoulds”

“The word ‘should’ may be one of the most dangerous words when it comes to mental health,” says Dr. Denton. “You should want to play sports; you should go into the family business; you should make more money; you should buy a house and raise a family – the list of ‘shoulds’ for men can be endless.”

“Telling someone what they should be feeling or doing invalidates what they are actually experiencing. This limits healthy communication and can cause resentment, conflict and friction.”

“Instead, ask yourself or the man in your life open-ended questions. What do you care about? What energizes you?” says Dr. Denton. “And give yourself permission to take actions towards those goals. When you adopt a more flexible definition of masculinity, it promotes mental health, allowing you to focus on the good stuff and fully experience life as human beings.”