Difficulty Reaching Orgasm a Common Problem for Women

It’s a problem many women deal with, but few feel comfortable talking about. Difficulty or inability to orgasm during sex is a common sexual health concern among women. Yet many women are hesitant to reach out for help.

University Hospitals OB/GYN provider and women’s sexual health expert Jean Marino, CNP, shares more.

Myths and Misinformation

Marino says that there’s a lot of misinformation surrounding the female orgasm. For instance, many women – and men – believe that orgasm can be reached through penetration alone. If fact, the majority of women can’t climax this way and need stimulation of the clitoris.

These myths can make women feel like they’re alone, or that something’s wrong with them. But as many as 50 percent of women say they have difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner. It’s also estimated that 10–15 percent of women have never had an orgasm.

Both Physical and Psychological Causes

Sex can still be enjoyable without achieving orgasm. But if difficulty reaching climax is preventing you from fully enjoying your sex life, a women’s healthcare provider can help pinpoint the cause and work with you to find solutions.

Marino says there are many reasons a woman may have trouble reaching orgasm. These factors can be both physical and psychological. Physical factors include:

• Conditions such as diabetes, nervous system disorders and thyroid disease
• Pelvic floor disorders and recent childbirth
• Pain with intercourse (dyspareunia)
• Menopause, which impacts hormones and can affect things such as arousal and lubrication
• Hormone disorders, or medications that affect levels of estrogen and testosterone in the body

On the psychological side, anxiety, sexual trauma and body-image issues can affect the ability to orgasm. Shame associated with sex due to cultural or religious stigma can play a role for some women. It’s also important for women to feel safe and vulnerable with their partner in order to be relaxed enough to orgasm. Additionally, some psychiatric medications, such as serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), can negatively impact orgasm.

When to Seek Help

If trouble reaching orgasm is a persistent problem that’s bothersome, you should explore solutions, recommends Marino.

A good place to start is your women’s health provider. A gynecology provider can look for any medical reasons that might be causing the issue, and they can also refer you to other specialists if necessary – including uro-gynecologists, female sexual health experts, pelvic floor therapists, sex therapists and psychologists.

Your healthcare provider can help address both physical and psychological roadblocks to achieving orgasm. This include addressing any underlying health conditions, starting pelvic floor therapy, or using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to address issues related to anxiety or trauma surrounding sex.

Taking Charge of Your Orgasm

Marino offers some other tips that can help:

• Get to know your body. The secret to achieving orgasm may lay in becoming more attuned to your body, learning about your unique anatomy, and finding out what works for you with self-stimulation. You can then communicate these needs to your partner so you can work together to achieve a more satisfying outcome.

• Practice mindfulness. This technique of being in the moment can help eliminate “performance anxiety” by focusing on paying attention to the moment and your enjoyment, instead of on reaching a specific goal.

• The importance of vibrators. Stimulation of the clitoris is the most important part of helping a woman achieve orgasm, Marino says. Using a vibrator to help with clitoral stimulation can be very helpful for women who are trying to figure out how to get there. Marino says that the nerves that respond to vibration stimuli age the slowest, so the device can help women achieve orgasm when other techniques won’t.

  She adds, “It’s a myth that use of a vibrator may be offensive to your partner. In fact, it can be a relief and help take the pressure off your partner in helping you achieve orgasm.”

Marino also recommends the book Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters – And How to Get It by Laurie Mintz, PhD. This sex-positive book offers a cultural and historical framework of the female orgasm, includes the myths surrounding it, an overview of female anatomy, as well tips for both women and men.

Marino says it’s important for women to “own their orgasm” and find empowerment in taking charge of their own pleasure: “Figure out what you need, and then teach your partner.”

Related links

The Female Sexual Health Program at University Hospitals is dedicated to addressing all of the sexual health concerns women may have throughout their lifetime. Our primary goal is to provide a unique and open environment of care where women feel empowered, confident and comfortable discussing this important aspect of their health.